I'm excited, sort of

Tomorrow is THE big day. Up until two days ago the only emotion I experienced was excitement.  You can now add nervousness and apprehension to that list. I can’t imagine that the RE will tell me that I’m not a candidate and that they can’t help me.  Well, they could, but it’s highly unlikely.  So what has me worried?  Cost – plain and simple.  Can I afford the treatment(s)? I have been reading blog after blog by women who have gone through this process already and they are having a ton of tests done and in most cases they had four or more IUIs performed before they became prego.  I will continue to scout for costing information, but thus far no one talks about how expensive it is. I know it varies by location and whether or not insurance covers costs, but I am still interested in knowing more.  I want to know how they can afford it so that I can take comfort in knowing that I can afford it too.  I make a very good salary, but I also own my own home and all the expenses that go along with it.  I checked with my insurance and they won’t cover anything unless I’m infertile, which I’m not. (Though I was just diagnosed with PCOS last January, which can cause infertility).  The receptionist at the RE’s office was awesome about giving me some out of pocket expense information. Initial consultation is $300.  The base cost for a typical IUI procedure is roughly $1,200 - $2,200 not including prescreening and medication.  Prescreening is paid once and can range anywhere from $1,500 to $1,800. Medication ($300 - $3,000 for more intensive stages) is paid per cycle as is the IUI procedure cost.  Using that as my basis I think I can afford three IUIs, assuming that I take drugs that are on the cheap side. This of course also assumes that my flexible spending account covers some of the costs (which I still need to check on).  What if, however, there are other costs the receptionist didn't know about?  So I admit I'm nervous and even a bit apprehensive that I won't be able to afford to do artificial insemination (AI).

For today at least, instead of worrying myself to death, I am going to bask in the anticipation of tomorrow.  If I decide to go through with this it’s going to be a long hard road, filled with many ups and downs.  There may not be that many days where I can simply revel in the sheer excitement of it all.  Tomorrow will come soon enough, but for today I am going to enjoy the thrill of knowing that tomorrow I could be embarking on a life altering experience.

My journey

Welcome to my blog.  My intent with this blog is to share my journey to motherhood.  How I will get there is anyones guess right now, but my hope is that I can use artificial insemination to get pregnant.  How did I get here?  In order to understand that I need to tell you a little bit about me....

I dated this one guy on and off for years hoping that it would lead to marriage.  Well, last year he did indeed get married, but it wasn't to me.  When it happened, I can say without shame, that my world fell apart.  I am just now getting my life back together.  Along the way came the realization that I am 39 and no closer to having the life I always dreamed about.  You know, the one with a husband and at least 2 kids.  I know that marriage and kids is no picnic, but not having them is no picnic either, especially when that's all you've ever dreamed of your whole life.  Skip to early July and a conversation I had with a friend.  We were at dinner and she jokingly suggested I use a sperm donor.  Who knew that one innocent comment could change the path I was currently on, certainly not me that's for sure.

The idea of not having to wait for Mr. Right and taking my future into my own hands really resonated with me.  I had considered adoption a few months previous, but never got much further than just a consideration.  There is something about having a baby growing inside of me, one who is a part of me that appeals to me.  So I did what I do best; I researched.  I did google searches on "donor insemination," "artificial insemination," "sperm bank," "IUI" you name it I researched it.  I found a lot of good stuff.  I felt prepared enough to talk to my OBGYN so I made an appointment.  Armed with a list of questions I spoke to my OBGYN who said I needed to talk to a fertility specialist since they don't perform any of the procedures in their office.  That was back in early August.  I made the appointment with the fertility specialist right away, but my appointment isn't until this coming Tuesday.  Once again I am armed with questions.  I fear the doctor is going to hate me for it, but I really need to know the facts before I make a decision about whether or not I should do this. At my age what are my chances? 

So, why a blog you ask?  Well, in my research I found some great blogs from women following my same path.  Some further along than others, but all interested in becoming a single mom by choice just like me.  Reading those blogs has been so encouraging.  It has shown me I'm not alone despite the fact that I have shared my desire with only a handful of people in my life.  I want to join the ranks of my fellow single mom by choice bloggers and share my experience in hopes of helping someone else.  I'm still in the thinking stage, but let's face it - I know in the end I will try because I don't want to live with the regret of knowing that I had a chance and I didn't take it.  Having said that, first I need to figure out if I can afford it, what all is involved with the process, and what are my chances.  I'm hoping that my appointment with the RE will shed some light on my questions.  Wish me luck.