My job

So I called out sick two days last week because I couldn't get up the gumption to go into work.  The dread of having to act like I know what I'm doing was just too much.  See, I started a new project about a month ago.  Glorious, right?  I would no longer be bored, which if you read my post back in September (Mental Health Day) you would know I hate.  As with most consulting projects the direction on how to proceed has been unclear, but that was ok because it was something I was used to.  Management consulting isn't for everyone.  If you can't survive in an atmosphere where change is constant and direction is often vague then you will hate it.  Me, I love it.  I love the challenge.  I am good at making sense out of things that don't make sense (for the most part at least).  For some reason however, this project has been one that I haven't thrived in and instead am dying in.  A month into the project and the direction is still unclear.  Not a bad thing, but I'm also no closer to understanding the client than I was a month ago and that is a problem.  My project lead is more technical than I am and understands it better than I do which in turns only highlights my lack of understanding.  He and I talked this morning and before I could raise my concern that I am a fish out of water he tells me that he doesn't think I am a right fit for this project and that he's going to talk to my boss and see if I couldn't be put on a different project.  Most people would be upset or feel slighted.  Me, I was relieved.  It means I can stop pretending to know what the heck he is talking about and I can stop beating myself up for not getting it.  It just means I have another opportunity to succeed on another project.  (Secretly though, I think I will hate my next project too, but no point in putting the cart before the horse:)

Today was a good day.  I have a bit of hope.  Something I have been lacking lately.